Stress is awesome (in moderation)
“Wasn’t that AWESOME?! I’m so pumped!” The captain of our basketball team came bounding into the locker room.
I assume she was bounding. She often did. I was too focused on breathing and the stitch in my side to lift my head from between my knees. All I saw was the floor.
Intensity, duration, repetitions, and adequate recovery. These determine whether stress serves us or harms us. Photo credit Ryan McGrath on Pixabay.
I did raise an eyebrow, if not my head. Awesome?! I thought to myself, she’s crazy.
That practice was painful. Intense. Exhausting. But, awesome?
It had been a conditioning practice and Coach had run us hard I thought I’d puke. I was dying! And I was freaking out a little that my lungs and legs were burning SO bad.
As a more elite, multi-sport athlete, the captain of the team loved to push herself. She knew that those hard workouts were the ones that set her up for success on game day. I had yet to grasp that.
She had a much more positive view of physical stress than I did.
I had been wasting energy second guessing how hard to push myself–maybe if it hurt, I should stop. I had struggled for the entire two hour practice. And only partly because I wasn’t in good enough shape.
My teammate knew, if it hurt, it was a good workout, so she just went for it. And she had way more fun!
Clinical psychologist and author Lisa Damour explains “stress mindset”—the way we view stress—influences how we handle stress.
Hard workouts set us up for success on game day. Photo credit Villegas on Pixaby
“Stress mindset matters. Viewing stress as inherently toxic makes stressful experiences worse. Viewing stress as growth-giving makes stress easier to bear. Moderate stress, when paired with adequate recovery, helps us grow. This is as true in life as it is in the gym.”
Stress is not inherently bad.
Do you need to read that again?
Yes, too much sustained stress for too long is bad. But stress can also stretch and grow us in good ways.
We miss that when we view stress as “inherently toxic”.
Stress is necessary to develop muscle, but too much too fast or too much for too long is damaging.
Intensity, duration, repetitions, and adequate recovery. These determine whether stress serves us or harms us.
What should change - the environment or your coping skills?
“Adequate recovery is not a special event. It’s more like basic maintenance, like changing the oil in your car.”
On the flip side, Adam Grant addresses work cultures where being stressed out has become the norm. He writes, “The best antidote to burnout is not teaching coping skills to handle stress. It’s redesigning work to reduce stress. To prevent exhaustion, we need to remove overwhelming demands and reject the norm of self-sacrifice. Healthy workplaces [and households] value well-being as much as performance.”
Our family and so, so many others are in a stage of transitioning into new rhythms and new realities. And that brings extra stress—extra decisions, mental load, paperwork and things that need to be bought and done.
In our case, we have moved to a different province with our three younger children. The older two are both living in dorm for the first time. New house, new school, new activities and neighbours and churches and all the things.
So, we find
(1) Stress is not inherently bad or toxic. It can be "growth-giving".
(2) Employers should take steps that reduce workplace stress.
(3) When we are in the midst of transitions, we carry extra stress.
Stress is not inherently bad.
Do we believe that? Damour says teens, in particular, feel pressured to be happy all the time. She reminds us that mental health, according to psychologists, is having an appropriate emotional responses to our circumstances. This is very different than being happy all the time.
Feeling sad is appropriate and healthy when you miss your friends.
Feeling angry in the face of an injustice is consistent with a healthy mental state.
Feeling happy when having fun with friends is also healthy.
Stress can be growth-giving when paired with adequate recovery. What does adequate recovery look like? Well, it's not a special event. Not a weekend away or a whole spa day. Adequate recovery is more like basic maintenance. It's changing the oil in your car, because, if you put it off for too long, you will ruin the engine.
2. Employers should take steps to reduce persistent workplace stress.
If it were possible for employers to remove all workplace stress, would that be a good thing? Where would the challenge be? Wouldn't that be dull? (Not that I think this is really a risk!)
"To prevent exhaustion, we need to remove overwhelming demands and reject the norm of self-sacrifice. Healthy workplaces [and households] value well-being as much as performance." - Adam Grant
3. During transitions, there are extra stressors (likely some good and some potentially bad)
I wonder what steps I might take to reduce household stress. Where can I introduce predictability as our kids adjust to so many changes? How can I help them unwind, connect, stay in touch with friends, have things to look forward to?
One phrase stands out as key: Reject the norm of self-sacrifice. Because I am not fun to be around when I am playing the martyr! I’ve never met anyone who is.
Being stressed all the time is, of course, not healthy for us. At the same time, not all stress is damaging. Stress is not inherently bad or toxic. Let’s remember that the next time we’re feeling stressed. There’s no need to try to avoid all stress. Better to pay attention to the things we can control—can we take some time for recovery? Can we limit the intensity—by sharing the load?—or the duration—how long we are exposed to extreme stress?
On occasion, we may even find that stressful season—meeting that deadline or doing that training session—was actually pretty awesome!!